19 Tweets From Parents That Are Actually Hilarious –
Just because you cringe at your own parents’ jokes, doesn’t mean parents in general can’t be funny. Check out the following tweets from other people’s super funny parents (and then show them to your own parents because chances are they’ll find these WAY funnier than you do).
I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2017
Me: Harry Potter can use magic to fix his glasses.
6-year-old: Why doesn't he use magic to fix his eyes?
Me: *questions everything I know*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2017
What I thought I would say as a parent:
"You are going to change the world."
What I say as a parent:
"Stop licking the window."
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) February 2, 2017
I turned off the TV today and made my kids play board games like it was 1955 and now I know why all of our grandparents were alcoholics
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) March 19, 2017
The same kid who claimed she needs a fidget spinner b/c she "can't focus" just spent 8 minutes picking every sesame seed off her bagel.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 21, 2017
My 7yo lost his lunchbox, but he did bring home a giant leaf, so I guess we'll just wrap up his lunch in that from now on.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 30, 2017
Spoiler alert: Kids are the most expensive free thing you'll ever have.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 7, 2017
My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
— tragic ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 30, 2016
watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence
at least we don't have to save for college
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 27, 2014
Starting to think my kid's dinosaur yearns for something more. pic.twitter.com/64wJRdQK5V
— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 20, 2017
That Shawshank scene where Andy Dufresne finally reaches freedom, but it's me exiting a kid birthday party.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 3, 2017
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
Can't figure out 7th grade son's math homework — despite using his book, Google, Wikipedia, and about five wine coolers.
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) October 27, 2016
I miss the days when my youngest was afraid of skeletons and cried when I told her she had a skeleton inside of her.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) June 15, 2017
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 10, 2013
4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) February 7, 2015
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, "I'm NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I've been whispering. Now I'm free!"
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) December 21, 2013
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 5, 2014